STAYING AWAKE!

                “LIVE LIFE AS IF IT IS THE FIRST AND LAST…”

THIS LINE HAS A GREAT IMPACT ON ME DURING THE SERMON OF A PRIEST AT THE HOLY MASS.  AT FIRST, I WAS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY OWN FEELINGS. I FELT THAT THERE WAS A BATTLE INSIDE ME. THE MESSAGE BECAME CLEARER WHEN WE WERE ASKED TO ANSWER IF WE ARE READY, AT ANY TIME, TO DIE.  FOR SO MANY TIMES I HAVE ENJOYED SO MUCH FREEDOM, EVEN TO THE EXTENT OF BECOMING LOST. 

I TRIED TO RECALL THE SO MANY BLESSINGS THAT LIFE HAS OFFERED ME. IT MADE ME REALIZE THAT THOSE WERE ABUNDANT BLESSINGS. THOUGH, THERE WERE TOUGH PROBLEMS, I AM STILL SO MUCH GRATEFUL FOR THE SO MANY CHANCES HE HAS GIVEN ME.  THERE WERE DISCONTENTMENT ALONG THE WAY. YET, HE HAS MADE WAYS THAT LEAD TO A SIMPLER LIFE, A LIFE WHERE PEACE REIGNS.

WHEN TIME TESTS ONE’S PATIENCE IN WAITING FOR SOMETHING, THERE MUST BE GREATER PURPOSES WHY IT HAPPENS. THIS IS A REALITY THAT EVERYONE HAS TO UNDERSTAND. WHILE LIVING HERE ON EARTH, WE HAVE TO LIVE TO THE FULLEST THE VERY PURPOSE OF OUR EXISTENCE.  WE ARE CALLED TO GIVE THE BEST OF THE TALENT, TIME AND TREASURE WE POSSES.

LET THAT FREEWILL BE USED TO WHAT GOD WANTS YOUR LIFE TO HAPPEN. IF WE CHOOSE TO FOLLOW A PATH WORTH OF LIVING, THEN, WAITING IS SATISFYING AND FULFILLING.  HE JUST WANTS US TO BE AT ALL TIMES AWAKE FOR AT ANY TIME, OUR LIFE ENDS.  THEN, WITH ALL HUMILITY, READY TO STAND FACE TO FACE OUR GOD.

Unquestionable Faith

                Believing isn’t only about what one personally desires. But, in the pureness of one’s heart, a miracle will happen. No matter how uncertain things are. Full blessings are stopped because we have reservations. When we believe, we come to trust to our Lord fully.

While I was inside the church, a little boy was praying intently. He knelt down and closed his eyes, as if he is seriously talking to God. Then, he tried reaching out the cross. The faith showed by of a 4-year old child has a simple message yet touching. It has moved my heart into a prayer,

“Lord, let my faith be like of this child.

With your grace, enlighten me at all times to deepen my faith to you.

Make use of me to be a blessing to others in their faith to you.”

Jesus’ presence is never gone. He is just right there in our hearts. He challenges us to live out the faith even in nothingness. With firmer faith, we become a reflection of Jesus to others and God’s glory shines within us.

Faith in Nothingness

                    

“Because thou hast seen me, Thomas, thou hast believed “happy those not having seen, and having believed….”. These two completely different things reminded me of my personal experience. I was raised up believing that Christ is our savior and that He is our Lord and God. With that faith, I have always been hoping that one day, when judgment comes, there is Jesus who will save me from eternal death. But life’s journey is filled everyday with different lessons to learn. I admit that with my faith, there were moments when time has tested and challenged me. I have realized that even if I believe on Him, I was not consistent in living up that faith.  In some point of my life, I became like Thomas, who only believed after seeing.

I have made such a terrible mistake. I had that fear to face the consequences. I worried too much of my future. During that miserable time, I had an idea of taking my own life. I was hopeless. At the same time, I lost the trust to ask for someone’s advice. I kept it by myself until I reached the point where I just knelt down and called on Jesus. The only last hope that I felt His very presence. I cried out to Him all my remorse and asked for mercy to forgive me. There was relief and hope began to spark in me. From that day on, I started believing that He is just there beside me. It was not easy to move on. All I knew was to entrust everything to Him and completely surrender whatever is in my mind and in my heart.  Both good and bad memories kept flashing on my mind. Within that great dilemma, I felt that the saddest moment in my life was when I fall into sin. As I continue with this battle, I rededicate myself as to restore the broken relationship with Him. As His follower, I have to regain the strength of my spirituality. I asked to help purify the inner desires of my heart and mind.

The appearance of Jesus to Thomas might not happen again. I wholeheartedly believe that our Lord God has lived with us in spirit in the presence of the people around us.  He is right there in our very heart and soul just waiting for us to recognize His greatness. If ever time will test us again, one truth remains and that is God has never given up on us. He will chase on us whenever we depart from Him. I affirmed His generosity to us as he has always been a Father to me. That unconditional love that He wants me to savor until my last breathe is incomparable. No one can tell when each of us dies. Life is uncertain. But no matter how vague my future will be, He will remain our only Lord who deserves praises and thanks. For without Him, I can’t imagine where I am now.

That scene when Thomas touched Jesus’ wounds won’t happen anymore. The very pain and sufferings we carry in everyday of our lives are just the ways that will let us recognize that we suffer with Him. We are called to bear each of our cross and overcome the tribulations with His grace. Deeply in my heart, I believe that with those experiences, it has somehow awakened me and made me dependent on the Lord in all my ways. For in the most difficult situations in my life, I was taught to be with our Lord.

In His time, these will be replaced with eternal joy as He promised. I remembered the poem, Desiderata of Happiness, which says….

“After all the shams, drudgery and broken dreams, life is beautiful, strive to be happy…”

Just learn to believe…and see the beauty of it amidst the nothingness… For God, our Lord will be there for us now and forever…

               

L O S T and FOUND

“We are given the complete freedom by God that we tend to forget the responsibilities attached on it and oftentimes going beyond the limits of our boundaries…”

If many things in life cannot be explained, it’s also tantamount to say that there are many things that can be explained especially any number of circumstances under our control.

Like any other young men and women, I am one of those who have so many “Why?” questions. I always wonder “Why did it happen?” I grew up from a place we called a “barrio”. Life was so simple by then. At the moment I graduated my baccalaureate degree, I luckily landed on a job in the city. Having been working alone and far from my family, my life was exhausting yet rewarding. I underwent so many challenges that test my character. It is a fact that the young today are prone to temptations. Sometimes, it cannot be denied that the person whom you considered as your friend can also be the very person who can make you life miserable. I would say that life in the city is entirely different from the life in the barrio I have been longing for. Mostly, I felt that everything seems to be too complex to understand. I struggled not only to the lifestyle but also to myself as to go with them or not.

          Not until I was invited by someone from Couples For Christ to attend the Christian Life Program (CLP) for all interested singles to become a member of the Singles For Christ (SFC). Of the twelve talks or lectures I had attended, Talk 9, is the most memorable one. We confessed our sins to the priest beforehand. I actually cannot fully describe that feeling. My pasts kept flashing on my mind and so with the pains I experienced made me cry so hard. After an hour of reflecting, I felt God’s presence through the Holy Spirit. I felt so light. When I was asked to give a testimony, I said “I am Nino, a name which means “child”. A child who was once lost but now found…”

          For me, since that day was my birthday that was the greatest gift I ever had in my life. He has given me more than what I expect for. I received a priceless gift I would treasure forever. During the Dedication Rites, I was able to express my heartfelt gratitude to God Almighty through a letter…

May 3, 2008

Dearest God,

                        For quite long years, you have been so generous to me throughout my life. You have entrusted me with the gift of life. You have endowed me great talents and skills. You have blessed me with the abundance of love and care through my family and friends.

                        With the insurmountable problems I met on my way, I became so weak and enslaved by sins. Oftentimes, I doubted your mercy and power over the dilemmas I encountered. But still, you did not forsake me because you knew that deep inside me, I struggled to fight evil. And you learned that I have even a little courage to face my fear of renewal.

                        Thank you for your instrument of peace, to the Singles For Christ. You helped me look for the answer in my search for inner peace. Truly, you taught me to do better things today for me to be the best person in the future.

                        You said that everything on earth has its own time and season. Now is the time that I am awakened from a deep sleep of my faith to you. This is the season of diversion from evil to goodness. This is a perfect time to bury the mistakes of the past, to cultivate my broken relationship at present, and to persevere up to the harvest time of the gift of eternal life.

                        I know that to follow your path is not easy. Within my journey, it is essential for me to change for the better. As I embraced the call for transformation, I came to realize that change per se is not the key in my pursuit to happiness; it is a basic necessity to unlock myself from being slave of evil. To effect a change in me does not happen in just a blink of an eye but rather it requires patience and strong will every now and then to persevere until the end. I need to be faithful and to be righteous at all times. I have to see life in a positive way and to live with it to the fullest.

                        I believe that man by nature is good. Thus, I commit myself towards constant renewal, to live up the truest essence of a Christ-centered life, to serve as the salt to those who perceive life as bitter, to be the light to those who are trapped in darkness, and to be a person with great contributions to society worthy of emulations.

                        At last, I am now free! Set free me from nonsense worries and materialistic world. I have now the freedom to do good things daily. It is with my fervent hope, which you may always guide and live with me in my quest. I surrender everything in your name.

                        Since I have found a new home, a new family, the Singles For Christ, I have nothing to ask anymore. Since I was born with your will, I will also die in my service with YOU. Amen.

                                                                                                            Your son,

                                                                                                            Nino S. Ruiz

                                                                                                            SFC, Batch 160

From that day on, my  life's perception changed. I remember a saying that says “Evil will only triumph if good men will do nothing.”

UNDYING FAITH

                God knows the state of one’s heart. He sees if one truly believes in Him. I remember surviving the most terrible situation I've been in. I had a great fear of the consequences of the wrong choices I made. Feeling hopeless, I called on Jesus. His divine presence I felt, was my only hope. I cried out to Him all my remorse and asked for forgiveness. Since then, I stopped fearing and started trusting Christ.

                Very often, our faith is like that of Thomas. We tend to give up on ourselves and our faith when challenges come. We become desperate with these uncomfortable feelings. We are getting used to having a “God of Comfort”. We doubt when we start to experience difficulties. However, the appearance of Jesus to Thomas is a great affirmation that the Lord always makes a way to deepen our faith in Him. He pursues us and never gives up on us whatever situation we’re in. He draws us near to Him and holds on to us. He embraces us lovingly.

When we believe, we come to trust our Lord fully. Indeed, miracles happen to those who faithfully believe, even in the midst of nothingness.

                                                                                                                                                                  

SURVIVING!

When facing with confusions and crises

We try to hold on unto many things

We embrace music to give us comfort

We talk to our dear friends to ask advice

We watch inspirational movie to gain insights to live by

But when I pondered I found out

When we try to embrace God in our lives

There is more than what eyes can’t see

He’s more than a melody or music to hear

He provides us peace of mind, serenity in one’s heart

He’s more than a friend or loyal companion

He offered His life and never turns us down

He’s more than a great movie story

He changes our lives

With his own life story, of sacrifices and triumphs over death

That’s the way of life

To follow his way isn’t easy

But a satisfying and fulfilling life waits

Not temporary, not here on earth.

A HUMBLING EXPERIENCE

Silence speaks louder in the midst of trials

An inner voice struggling to be heard

A heavy downpour of the rain every now and then

Becomes usual in extra ordinary ways

In this world full of hypocrites

The best armor that can defend us is faith

Faith constitutes virtues to live by

The only weapon that no one can defeat

Man by nature is good

A manifestation that anyone deserves forgiveness

The best way to revenge is to be kind to the unkind

Listen to your will

Yet, follow God’s will

It’s better to lose something than becoming cruel for your own sake

Behold and stand still

Continue to face the obstacles

 Life doesn’t stop here

The story has not yet ended

It has just started

BETWEEN DAY AND NIGHT

In these solitary moments

A great dilemma hiding within me

A sad reality struggling to escape

Darkness wrapping my inner self and soul

Deep inside the wounds hurt

No exact words, No clear pictures

No definite feelings can describe it

No concise meaning can define my present situation

Everything seems to be so fast

I can’t even remember

How everything started

Why it reached to this point of my life

I wanted to cry

But my eyes can’t fall a tear for all the humiliations

I wanted to shout

But my conscience can’t even whisper the blame to my foes

I wanted to die

But I can’t imagine leaving my family

To see them mourn over my dead body

“So help me God,” I beg

Comfort me in this complex word

My truest confidant in this complicated chapter of my life

My only shoulder to lean on during this hardship I encounter

Unburden me with the load of sacrifices

Let me rest for a while

Bring me in the most quite place

Away from my worldly fellows

Heal the wounds I suffer

But leave the scar as to remind me

To be always humble

Let me surrender everything in your name

Provide me to the wisdom o conquer evil

Give me the strength to carry on heavy loads

Let me feel the hope in my heart amidst darkness

Embrace me with your boundless love and care

Walk with me as I move on in moments I feel weak

Posses me with your Holy Spirit

 In this turning point of my life, make me whole again from being broken, Amen.

i am...

i am…

A masterpiece of God

Woven by his hands, my truest being be revealed

In accordance to his will and plan

A child by nature

Molded with utmost care by my beloved ones

Secured by guidance and protection

A young explorer of life

Unfolding the mysteries ahead

Discovers strengths and weaknesses

A traveler

Grows with experiences, becomes stronger in failures

Faces consequences courageously

 Never gives up easily

                                                                             A small voice         

One of the millions who are discontented

Dreaming the impossible and unnecessary

A speck of sand

Too small to be recognized

Indeed, I have nothing to boast for

A complete stranger of today

Journeys the path of uncertainties

Builds memorable relationships

A living witness of the past

Absorber of the lessons of history

Living with the learning of yesterday

A legacy of the future

A promising individual of tomorrow

My name may fade when death comes

But my deeds forever be treasured

In their memories…. in their hearts