“Because thou hast seen me, Thomas, thou hast believed “happy those not having seen, and having believed….”. These two completely different things reminded me of my personal experience. I was raised up believing that Christ is our savior and that He is our Lord and God. With that faith, I have always been hoping that one day, when judgment comes, there is Jesus who will save me from eternal death. But life’s journey is filled everyday with different lessons to learn. I admit that with my faith, there were moments when time has tested and challenged me. I have realized that even if I believe on Him, I was not consistent in living up that faith. In some point of my life, I became like Thomas, who only believed after seeing.
I have made such a terrible mistake. I had that fear to face the consequences. I worried too much of my future. During that miserable time, I had an idea of taking my own life. I was hopeless. At the same time, I lost the trust to ask for someone’s advice. I kept it by myself until I reached the point where I just knelt down and called on Jesus. The only last hope that I felt His very presence. I cried out to Him all my remorse and asked for mercy to forgive me. There was relief and hope began to spark in me. From that day on, I started believing that He is just there beside me. It was not easy to move on. All I knew was to entrust everything to Him and completely surrender whatever is in my mind and in my heart. Both good and bad memories kept flashing on my mind. Within that great dilemma, I felt that the saddest moment in my life was when I fall into sin. As I continue with this battle, I rededicate myself as to restore the broken relationship with Him. As His follower, I have to regain the strength of my spirituality. I asked to help purify the inner desires of my heart and mind.
The appearance of Jesus to Thomas might not happen again. I wholeheartedly believe that our Lord God has lived with us in spirit in the presence of the people around us. He is right there in our very heart and soul just waiting for us to recognize His greatness. If ever time will test us again, one truth remains and that is God has never given up on us. He will chase on us whenever we depart from Him. I affirmed His generosity to us as he has always been a Father to me. That unconditional love that He wants me to savor until my last breathe is incomparable. No one can tell when each of us dies. Life is uncertain. But no matter how vague my future will be, He will remain our only Lord who deserves praises and thanks. For without Him, I can’t imagine where I am now.
That scene when Thomas touched Jesus’ wounds won’t happen anymore. The very pain and sufferings we carry in everyday of our lives are just the ways that will let us recognize that we suffer with Him. We are called to bear each of our cross and overcome the tribulations with His grace. Deeply in my heart, I believe that with those experiences, it has somehow awakened me and made me dependent on the Lord in all my ways. For in the most difficult situations in my life, I was taught to be with our Lord.
In His time, these will be replaced with eternal joy as He promised. I remembered the poem, Desiderata of Happiness, which says….
“After all the shams, drudgery and broken dreams, life is beautiful, strive to be happy…”
Just learn to believe…and see the beauty of it amidst the nothingness… For God, our Lord will be there for us now and forever…
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